I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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