Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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