I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize