just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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