Sponge bath it is.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
