the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
