dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
