Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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