Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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