she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
