She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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