Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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