my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
