I didn't shave. On purpose
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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