I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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