So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so let's talk penis.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
