look no pants
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize