I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
