One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
