i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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