your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
