you traded sex for a burrito?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
