i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You don't make any sense
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