I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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