Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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