I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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