lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
