I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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