So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
