possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
