One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
