Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
