so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
