I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
