3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
