Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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