I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
