I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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