nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
