Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
