I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
