I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
