dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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