Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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