Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
