gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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