i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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