I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
