so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
