Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize