Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
