; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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