I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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