i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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