Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
