Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
