I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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