just come out here and I will go home with you...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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