I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
