There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
