Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
its liver damage thursday
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
