my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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