Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
pop tarts are not kleenex
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
