i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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