??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
