Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
